Asian Exile ~ Singapore ~ Month 3

ok... so ive been kinda MIA and I apologize. I've just entered the 3rd month of my asian exile and i'm starting to feel the wall slowly close in on me. I also seem to have taken it upon myself to do another house cleaning in my life. I erased all unnecessary phone numbers out of my phone (of people that I plan to cut completely out of my life, ex boyfriends, old lovers, people i dislike, people that dislike me, people i have issues with, or people that i met once and will never talk to again, just need to cut out the poison, I have successfully erased over 50 people on 5 continents in 17 countries. Best of Luck!), I lost 3 kg and have 5 more to go, and have started to focus on what i really want out of my life.... I know I know... blah blah blah tear tear tear... sorry to dump this on you.... please feel free to skim the rest of this post. but I am sans gay friend in this god forsaken place and i need to unload with emotional baggage somewhere.

Anyways the major stress point at this point is that I havent had sex since february.... its starting to grind my gears. i really dislike the fact that i am a gay man that isnt all that interested in sex. a martini, witty banter, and valium at the end of the night are all i really long for. men bore me and usually are much more trouble then they are worth. There is no such thing as gay love... men by nature are not capable of that. All we can hope for in a couple of good years together before the relationship ends and the two go their separate ways. The best we can hope for is that both realize it before the end and they salvage some sort of friendship out of it. Forever has a very very different meaning for the gays.

MJ ~ Singapore 16-8-08

I had a massive nightmare last week (cold sweat, woke up gasping, scared shitless, the whole lot) about Alex... it wasnt a nightmare per say (no monsters, cobras, straight sex, leopard print, or other things that scare the hell out of me) just one of those dream when you have no idea why you do the things you do or why the people that are in them are in them. i was sitting and thinking about the dream last night as i lay awake in bed... it dawned on me that it was 5 years ago last week that the american and i broke up.... i think it more than random that i would have a dream about this since I dont talk to this kid and havent seen him in years... but whatever.

Also I am out of a job in October.... well they are letting me stay in Oodle but I have to find another job. I told Popeye that I think that I want out of HR and recruiting. I started to interview for a role in Sydney... but it would be an 18 month commitment to Australia.... James is going to think i'm going there for him and that is a mess I dont know it i want to get into. Plus, i did australia.... its looking back... i need something new. Sydney is a great city but... its provincial and so f*ing far from everything. I might just email the presidents of the company and say that if they give me a crap ton of stock ill leave quietly.... I dont know what i am looking to do but i feel that this job/company/path are taking me further and further from the things that i really want in life.

My social life is suffering here in singapore.... they dont drink... pills? HA forget it..... and my fabulously cultivated bitchy attitude is totally lost in translation. I feel that I might be loosing my touch. I'm reduced to slagging off myself in the mirror of my bathroom to keep sharp. I'm becoming more and more that creepy old white guy at the end of the bar. Gay-sians love me of course, what isnt to love... im the complete opposite of everything they have ever knows. but i also think its because they want me to take them back the US.... I was talking to a good friend of mine today and I think that this would be a perfect place for him… he would be in hog heaven here... not sure his take on asian men but i know he likes a constant selectionof white men and believe you me with all the major flight routes between NZ/AU and europe stopping in Singapore there is a constant revolving door or ex pats who are here for a night or two and want nothing more than a shag.... I still prefer a book and a lay by the pool but i know his dance card would be constantly full. I have to say that im am jealous of his many gentlemen callers....